Past Thoughts

5/3/13

This is such a different world. The halls are bustling with a diversity of teenagers of all the colors of the rainbow. Like the flowing of a river, if you get stuck on the wrong side of the current, you can't even move. The best way to describe it with is that it's a river. Go with the flow. The community is the same net as any other place. Small cliques line the halls, some base themselves in classrooms, some in the commons..... I usually place myself in Mrs. S's room, or in Mrs. T's. Sometimes the Anime Guild, but my last resort is Mrs. M's English room. These all seem to be the quietest. (except for the Anime Guild) I'm slowly getting a hold of the math subjects thanks to Mr. G and tutoring. Of course I miss art, but I always create art, art class or not. 

5/17/13

So it's finally the last day of the week. This is the last friday of the EHS year ....... everything has gone by so fast. I still can't believe that I've been living in Alaska, without my mom or usual resources for 6 months. I adapt easily, and sometimes that's a bad thing. Spring hasn't even started and it snowed the other day. It's raining right now, which is better than snow, but still......

I've made so many friends! I can't believe I'm just leaving them behind like this! Ron, Janessa, Falcy, Charles ..... and all my other amazing classmates and buddies. They'll probably forget about me when I leave. It's going to be so weird to go back. All my friends and classmates probably won't care much. Not at all in fact.... I wish they would though. No time has passed for them, and I will just blend right in once again as I always have in a crowd. I don't even think any of them ever read this, or stumble upon this blog. Kind of sad, really. Every step I take is a new stepping stone layed down by my own hands. Each day I grow stronger and smarter, gathering intel about the world. My future is a mirror: the farther you look, the more you discover and the clearer it gets.

5/23/13

Today is my last day at EHS. Today, is my last final, Biology, and the day that the Anime Guild ends. Today, my mom is going to be there when I get home, and the last time I'll ever ride a school bus. My adventure is slowly coming to an end, and I feel as if my life is getting murky again. Going back to the same old place in Germany, having the same people who hate me, and the same who don't even care. Sure, I'll be different but who can guarantee they won't? The sun is shining outside, giving off that beautiful Alaskan sunrise glow to everything. I'll miss this style of teaching and my teachers who are so relaxed and loose. (I won't miss the homework though.) I'll have gym and french and spanish to catch up on when I'm back. Basically the rest of the school year will be reviewing what the did in each class. Ugh, I guess this is the price of an exchange though. But some things I can't catch up on. For instance the time I've lost with my friends. That won't ever come back to me.

By ending this episode, a new one begins.

Cranberry

Day by Day

<3

I wanna snuggle both~

I'll miss you

When I'm gone

A Peek into my Thoughts

What if when I go back, people won't be the same?

I don't know wether I've changed or not. All I know is that I have learned and seen some perspectives of others. I'm leaving behind a totally different world here. 

I don't belong anywhere

Simply a wandering nomad who's only company are my own thoughts and imagination. I can adapt, that's for sure. But now I haven't heard from where I once belonged, and now no longer belong where I once did.

Now, I appreciate a rainy day, and the sun when it comes out.

I get a warm smile given to me by people or classmates I barely know.

A simple compliment, "Your eyes are really pretty." makes my day.

I regularly have people greet me once or twice in the halls or more in a day.

Someone approaches me in class just to talk because "I looked lonely."

Commenting that my drawings are, "Gorgeous. I don't actually use that word a lot."

Getting a random hug makes me unbelievably happy.

I've never had this.

Now that I suddenly belong

I drop everything again

and return

to another habitat that has grown and flowered in my absence.

Will I look forward to returning? yes. Because my future is bright and clear. Will I miss and regret leaving my carefully built community and hard work behind? yes. Does that mean I have to choose either one or the other? no. 

I don't choose, I simply spread about my connections.

So far, at the young age of 15, I have grown a forest or bonds that covers the globe

And am constantly planting seeds where ever I go.

As long as I have seeds to plant, my forest will continue to grow and flower

With a brilliance I have yet to see.

• Cranberry •